It'd be a lot cooler if you did

It's been a few weeks since I last updated this thing.  Reliable internet is about as prevalent as literacy around here, and I have been doing some traveling of the countryside the past few weeks.  I hope that is an acceptable excuse to explain why I have not posted in over a month.  The part of Afghanistan that I am in is mostly agricultural, with small family farms surrounding mud-walled compounds that dot the countryside.  The FOBs are usually in the middle of grape and wheat fields, which are two of the largest cash crops that Panjwa'i district farmers produce.  The number of legitimate farmers planting these staple crops pales in comparison to Afghanistan's top exports: Narcotics.  The illicit farming in the surrounding fields is staggering given the amount of poppy and marijuana cultivation that goes on.  90% of the world's opium is produced in Afghanistan, and much of that production is in the southern portion of the country right near where I currently live.  The Arghandab valley is known for opium fields, but it's climate is best suited for marijuana.  It grows like a weed here and is the way many Afghans put food on the table. 

All my top bros call me ditch weed

Currently all the poppy fields are empty, but the Marijuana fields are getting ready for harvest.  If the wind is right, the smell of pot is overpowering and the running joke is that even MREs (Meals ready to Eat - Meals rejected by Ethiopians - Mr. E's - Mysteries - you get the idea) start to taste good and help satisfy the munchies that a stroll through one of these fields gives you. 

General Order number one governs bad behaviors by soldiers, and includes a strict ban on drug and alcohol use.  We routinely do drug screening for the soldiers, just to make sure the temptation to pick some of the local foliage doesn't go without consequences.

The smile is because the Redskins are 2-0

The local Afghan population is pretty ambivalent to the illicit trade that goes on, but the bad guys get a big chunk of their income by 'taxing' the farmers and transporters of the harvest. 

I am planning on decorating one of these 6 foot monsters as the Christmas tree at my aid station.  I will definitely upload some pics of the Sticky Xmas Tree, and instead of cookies, Santa will probably enjoy some space brownies.  Of course I am kidding, kind of.

A Little Redneckery

A little more insight into the construction odyssey. 

There are a few sayings in the military that spill over pretty well into 'regular civilian' life.  One of them is working to improve your position everyday.  In tactical terms this usually is applied to a fighting position, meaning improving the defenses against attack, or making your fighting point more advantageous.  In the medical part of a battlefield, that doesn't directly apply.  We have spent our time making our 'fighting' position more comfortable, safer, better organized, easier to work in, and/or just plain better. 

All of these improvements are done with the help of redneck ingenuity, thanks in a large part to the non-commissioned officers in my platoon.  They hail from all over the country, but they have all spent time in one way or another earning an hourly wage doing some form of manual labor - making them a much more valuable medical asset than any trauma training the U.S. military has funded.

We build or plan to build some redneck project daily.  We have accomplished some pretty amazing stuff considering there is no Home Depot down the road.  Most of our materials are scavenged or 'procured' from other parts of the FOB.  We 'borrowed' heavily from the Canadians when they were still around, and haven't had to take anything at gunpoint, yet.

We built our aid station using this redneck know-how, and my boss told me that 'red neck' and 'aid station' should never be used in the same sentence.  Having lived inside this redneck trauma bay for the past two and half months,  I have to politely disagree with him.  Below are some pics of the work done constructing our field hospital.



Typical of the medical platoon: One person working with three supervising



Building some living quarters: 'Jack Shacks' in infantry terms.  NOTE: one person working, two watching - three if you count the guy behind the camera

We Built This City

So connectivity took a hit after I was so excited for isolation to be a thing of the past.  The majority of the last 10 days I was still marooned on an island of limited ability to access the world wide web.  Not a problem unless you are trying to keep your friends and family updated about what's going on in your life from half a world away using a blog on the aforementioned information superhighway.

The next few installments will demonstrate to all of you what has taken up the majority of my time since leaving the comforts of KAF: Construction.



I may get worse at medicine while I am here in Afghanistan, but if the doctoring thing doesn't pan out, I can probably earn a decent wage as a handyman.  We arrived at a FOB(remember? from before, Forward Operating Base) that was not really built other than the outside walls (and for any of you concerned about my safety, they are approximately 20 ft high, 8 feet thick and filled with dirt and rocks; if you aren't concerned about my safety, you should ask yourself if continuing to read this blog is a good use of your time), so the first order of business was to construct sleeping quarters.  Not a simple task with temperatures well into the triple digits.



A tent raising



As I explained in previous entries, the US Army puts everything into a box.  We had arranged sleeping quarters for 120 people in 7 crates worth of equipment.  A crew of 10 people is supposed to be able to set one of these up in about 1 hour.  Fighting the elements and maybe a bit of ineptitude, we had one done inside of three hours.  With some serious sweat and hard work the soldiers I flew into this new home with were able to put up three of these before the sun set, and I did not have to sleep outside. 

 



It's electric.



The best part? Completely mortar-proof.



 

After a couple of more days of seriously sweaty, hard work, we had air conditioning.  We were even able to set up the movie theater(I told my command that I needed a projector and surround sound in order to do powerpoint and medical education lectures- as you can see, they bought it). 




This tent started to smell like feet immediately after this photo was taken

 

"Anyone for a McConaughey rom-com marathon?" 

"No?"

"Nobody?"

"So we're just going to watch Apocalypse Now, AGAIN?"

All in all not too terrible considering my surroundings.  Thanks again for continuing to read this thing.

Creepy in every sense of the word.

So it's been a month or so since my last entry.  Good news.  We now have an internet cafe.  This affords more reliable connectivity than even the most secure, high speed, government, secret squirrel broadband connection.

I may not be able to communicate medical situation reports to my headquarters, but Facebook updates and reading McConaughey's blog should be a 'go' 100% of the time. 

What that really means is that I am going to be able to update this thing a lot more frequently.  Not sure if anyone is still reading this, but I am going to give you as much insight into my current life as I can.  I thought I would start by including some info on my not-so-friendly neighbors that I share this part of the world with.  Anyone who has set foot into a U.S. medical treatment area in this part of the world was probably greeted with this terrifying poster:

 Creepy Right?

Good thing I am not scared of scorpions.  Oh wait.  Or spiders. Then come to find out that this part of the world is home to this camel spider which is some demonic hybrid between a spider and a scorpion.  Awesome.

Still, the optimist in me was convinced that I would be spared these horrors and not have to worry about actually coming across any of these nightmarish creatures. 

Lucky for me these were some of the first neighbors I met when arriving to my new home.



Small pincers + Big tail = Terrible house pet



The spider is more terrifying than the mortar tube it is climbing on

Yeah, so these things are disgusting, and I am constantly checking my boots and sleeping area for uninvited guests.  Especially the kind with eight legs.

The Electric Strawberry

So I finally can get on and do this.  I apologize about the delay, connectivity, like indoor plumbing, is almost non-existent in this part of Afghanistan.  I have been here almost 7 weeks now and this country has lots of dust, sand, heat and narcotics trafficking.  I only like one of those things, and it usually needs clear, blue water and a surfable break next to it for me to really enjoy it (and no, the answer is not narcotic trafficking, Dico) 

Since I have been here for over a month I now qualify to wear a patch on the right sleeve of my Army Combat Uniform.  Every Army unit has a designated patch that is worn on the left sleeve as part of the normal uniform.  After 30 days in a combat zone a soldier is authorized to wear the patch of the unit he or she is serving with on the right sleeve.  The soldier is then allowed to wear that patch on the right sleeve even after leaving the deployment or leaving to serve with another unit.  This used to be called the Shoulder Sleeve Insignia--Former Wartime Service, now called the 'combat patch'.  It's also called earning your 'bookend' signifying the same patch on both sleeves, or for some it's my 'been there, done that' symbol.

Mine looks like this, and it's the symbol of Tropic(Arctic in my case) Lightning for the 25th Infantry Division:


http://www.globalsecurity.org/military/agency/army/images/25id.gif

Connectivity is pretty terrible, so uploading an actual photo was a non-option, sorry to have to link the pic.
The nickname for this patch is the electric strawberry, which I think is pretty self explanatory.  Tropic Lightning is where the title for the McConaughey flick Tropic Thunder comes from, and the unit earned this nickname since the division is headquartered in Hawaii. 

Thanks again for anyone who has stuck through this blog hiatus.  I track 18 followers as of the last time I actually posted anything.  If you are all still there, thanks.  I can't promise that connectivity will get any better, but I will continue to keep writing as often as I am able if anyone is willing to keep reading.

Back, Kind of - The title is the only thing I can type into. But I am here, and safe and it is hot. Like Sahara hot. If you're still with me in this blog thing, I will update further when I don't have to type everything in the title box.

Signing off from KAF

Sorry about the delay between the last few posts.  The past couple of days have been hectic around this part of the world.  I wish I could say that that won't happen again.  Unfortunately that would be a lie.  I am about to leave KAF, and therefore internet connectivity, somewhat functional air conditioning, (mostly) indoor plumbing, and reliable electricity.

As soon as I am able, I will update again, but I am unsure when that will actually occur.  So in case I don't make it on before, congrats to Erin and Dan - wish I could be there to celebrate with everyone.  I hope you don't have any Wedding Planner style hijinks, I know you two will have a special day and I know Avery will do something regrettable.  I wish I could be there to be my lovely wife's date for the evening.  And to see what Avery is going to do.  Mostly, to be my wife's date, but kind of because of the gravity of the stupidity that will no doubt happen.

Oh and happy birthday to Baby Dico - you have to let me cook for you.