The Electric Strawberry

So I finally can get on and do this.  I apologize about the delay, connectivity, like indoor plumbing, is almost non-existent in this part of Afghanistan.  I have been here almost 7 weeks now and this country has lots of dust, sand, heat and narcotics trafficking.  I only like one of those things, and it usually needs clear, blue water and a surfable break next to it for me to really enjoy it (and no, the answer is not narcotic trafficking, Dico) 

Since I have been here for over a month I now qualify to wear a patch on the right sleeve of my Army Combat Uniform.  Every Army unit has a designated patch that is worn on the left sleeve as part of the normal uniform.  After 30 days in a combat zone a soldier is authorized to wear the patch of the unit he or she is serving with on the right sleeve.  The soldier is then allowed to wear that patch on the right sleeve even after leaving the deployment or leaving to serve with another unit.  This used to be called the Shoulder Sleeve Insignia--Former Wartime Service, now called the 'combat patch'.  It's also called earning your 'bookend' signifying the same patch on both sleeves, or for some it's my 'been there, done that' symbol.

Mine looks like this, and it's the symbol of Tropic(Arctic in my case) Lightning for the 25th Infantry Division:


http://www.globalsecurity.org/military/agency/army/images/25id.gif

Connectivity is pretty terrible, so uploading an actual photo was a non-option, sorry to have to link the pic.
The nickname for this patch is the electric strawberry, which I think is pretty self explanatory.  Tropic Lightning is where the title for the McConaughey flick Tropic Thunder comes from, and the unit earned this nickname since the division is headquartered in Hawaii. 

Thanks again for anyone who has stuck through this blog hiatus.  I track 18 followers as of the last time I actually posted anything.  If you are all still there, thanks.  I can't promise that connectivity will get any better, but I will continue to keep writing as often as I am able if anyone is willing to keep reading.

Back, Kind of - The title is the only thing I can type into. But I am here, and safe and it is hot. Like Sahara hot. If you're still with me in this blog thing, I will update further when I don't have to type everything in the title box.

Signing off from KAF

Sorry about the delay between the last few posts.  The past couple of days have been hectic around this part of the world.  I wish I could say that that won't happen again.  Unfortunately that would be a lie.  I am about to leave KAF, and therefore internet connectivity, somewhat functional air conditioning, (mostly) indoor plumbing, and reliable electricity.

As soon as I am able, I will update again, but I am unsure when that will actually occur.  So in case I don't make it on before, congrats to Erin and Dan - wish I could be there to celebrate with everyone.  I hope you don't have any Wedding Planner style hijinks, I know you two will have a special day and I know Avery will do something regrettable.  I wish I could be there to be my lovely wife's date for the evening.  And to see what Avery is going to do.  Mostly, to be my wife's date, but kind of because of the gravity of the stupidity that will no doubt happen.

Oh and happy birthday to Baby Dico - you have to let me cook for you. 

National Pastime

In the United States, the traditional pastime is baseball.  Spring training happens in early March, the season shapes up by June, the All-Star break is in mid-summer and then the champions are crowned in late October.  There is the seventh inning stretch, Fenway Park (another shout out to the Boston Dunstans and Miguel Jones), peanuts and Cracker Jacks, nickel beer night and shagging fly balls.

Afghanistan doesn't have baseball.  The closest thing that they have is fighting.  Not like boxing, martial arts or any sanctioned sporting event.  The fighting they do instead involves improvised explosives, ambush and guerilla tactics and its been going on for hundreds of years in the same pattern.

In late spring, the beginnings of fighting season start to take shape.  After crop harvesting is complete, usually around the end of May, the fighting picks up and moves forward until the dominant players start to take charge in mid July.  In late September/October, those left standing are usually considered the champions and best set to take charge heading into the off-season.

The Afghanis aren't too particular about who they fight.  They will fight anybody, and they love to fight with each other.  They don't really discriminate though, if it moves, and is disagreeable to them in any way, they will fight it.  Currently they have the NATO/ISAF folks to pick a fight with, and despite not having electricity, they are pretty good at it.  I guess they have to be good at something, in the U.S. I would say we are good at having indoor plumbing, not such a priority in this part of Asia.    


 So let's all root for our home team, how about it?

How Bazaar

Saturdays on KAF are not that different than any other day.  In a combat zone there are no real 'weekends', things just sort of chug along as they normally would.  One exception is the KAF Bazaar near the NATO end of the air base.

The  بازار  as it is spelled in Urdu ( I couldn't find the Pashto translation) is a collection of merchants who pay a fee to set up stands on the end of the airfield that is the most cosmopolitan with the largest mix of NATO forces living close by.  

The tent scene where everyone offered me "Good quality. Number one price"

The merchants feature everything from beautiful, hand stitched Afghan rugs and exotic looking antiques and wood carvings, to precious stones and jewelery and just about every fake purse brand and knock-off Rolex watch you could ever want.  

There was even a nice collection of the discarded military issue items that I can only assume were cleaned by the locals who do the garbage collection and then placed for sale back to the same people who threw them away - a great way to limit overhead and increase profits.

There were also numerous DVD 'retailers' offering the same selection of films that are currently in theaters back home in the U.S. which aside from the titles being written in Mandarin, are probably just really nice advanced copies that I am sure were obtained through legal channels.

Not one of these 'entrepreneurs' had a McConaughey section, and I suggested to more than one of them that if they really wanted to increase their bottom line, that would be the way to go.

If you don't have the OMC hit in your head already, here it is:
http://youtu.be/TfJe8hQ8ha0

I'll take what's in the box

So for the longest time, a way over-used, cliched catch phrase has been "Try to think outside the box"

I have never really understood what that meant. I guess it's supposed to be a way to apply new ideas to a complex problem.  Now the U.S. Army has not been insulated from this phrase and I have been told on more than one occasion since arriving in Afghanistan to "Do some outside the box thinking."  This is thrown around quite frequently when discussing counterinsurgency strategies, and how best to win over the Afghan population.

Despite this outside the box rhetoric, it seems that the Army has instead taken a page out of Justin Timberlake and Lonely Island's playbook and put everything into a box.

Much like the  Enigma 'code breaker in a box' made famous in the WWII Navy film U-571, the military continues to create useful items packaged "In a Box"

Here is a small list of the items that the Army currently fields in OEF that come conveniently packaged this way:

RIAB (pronounced ReeAb) Used for PsyOps(Psychological Operations) its is the best acronym in the bunch - Radio In A Box.
CON 150  - FOB(Rember this one? Forward Operations Base) in a box that can house, feed and has bathrooms for 150 people and can be set up in a few short days
Interrogation center in a box - this one is pretty self explanatory (no water boarding area though - I asked)
USO in a box - computers and phones for soldiers to call and email home from anywhere in the world that can again, be set up in just a few days.


That is just a small list of the latest and greatest ways to fight a war in neat little packages.


Here's to celebrating Friday the 13th the Lonely Island Way - Step One: Cut a hole in the box.

Man, remember the first fifteen guys you saw with that Halloween costume.  2007 was fun.

Another Man's Treasure

I have been scouring Kandahar Air Field for medical supplies.  Not that I don't have my own.  I ordered thousands of dollars of medical and trauma equipment before leaving Alaska planning to sustain the medical needs of 800-900 soldiers for three to four months.  A great plan, with high-speed, cool gadgets and the best field equipment tax money can buy.

Unfortunately it is still sitting in shipping containers in Karachi, Pakistan.  Now, you don't need to be an expert in geography to know that it does not help me deliver meds and supplies in Kandahar province.

So I have been on a Fool's Gold style treasure hunt for the past week begging, borrowing and stealing in order to provide equipment to the 200 plus soldiers currently on the ground, and the other 600 plus due in over the course of the next week.

I have managed to order some supplies through legitimate channels, borrow some from the unit that is preparing to go home, and on more than one occasion been told in no uncertain terms that I would not be getting any help from a certain country that shares a common northern border with most of the United States. (Turns out that 'F*ck Off' translates pretty well from French to English)

I think my biggest score was a set of reasonably used golf clubs in a dumpster behind the Air Force hospital.  Not that these are the nicest, but I also managed to get some gently used medical storage containers from the same spot.

So after a great deal of wheeling and dealing, along with a touch of dumpster diving, I have four fully functioning aid stations worth of medical equipment and medications that are on their way to the little FOBs and COPs(Combat Outpost) that we will begin occupying this week. 

Bleep - that one was for you Baby Dico